Boris on Brexit translated – what he REALLY meant
Reading between the lines, here’s our resident comedian Leo Kearse on what Boris Johnson really meant in his article about Brexit in the Telegraph yesterday…
This EU referendum has been the most extraordinary political event of our lifetime. Never in our history have so many people been asked to decide a big question about the nation’s future. Never have so many thought so deeply, or wrestled so hard with their consciences, in an effort to come up with the right answer.
I’m trying to sound like Churchill instead of the Chuckle Brothers. Frankly, I’m still a bit drunk.
It has been a gruelling campaign in which we have seen divisions between family and friends and colleagues – sometimes entirely amicable, sometimes, alas, less so. In the end, there was a clear result. More than 17 million people voted to leave the EU – more than have ever assented to any proposition in our democratic history. Some now cast doubt on their motives, or even on their understanding of what was at stake.
This was a clear result. A clear result that really sobered me up. More than 17 million people voted to leave – to show how important that is, that’s almost half as many as watched the Eastenders when Dirty Den divorced Angie.
It is said that those who voted Leave were mainly driven by anxieties about immigration. I do not believe that is so. After meeting thousands of people in the course of the campaign, I can tell you that the number one issue was control – a sense that British democracy was being undermined by the EU system, and that we should restore to the people that vital power: to kick out their rulers at elections, and to choose new ones.
All those racists who voted Leave – the Combat 18 members celebrating at Leave campaign parties, the EDL members spitting on ethnic minorities, Nigel Farage – aren’t racist. I mean they obviously are, but they aren’t. The Leave vote had nothing to do with race and immigration, despite our campaign posters warning of swarms of brown people coming to the UK.
We need to take control away from European beaurocrats and give it to the Oxbridge cabal who control UK politics. That’s democracy.
I believe that millions of people who voted Leave were also inspired by the belief that Britain is a great country, and that outside the job-destroying coils of EU bureaucracy we can survive and thrive as never before. I think that they are right in their analysis, and right in their choice. And yet we who agreed with this majority verdict must accept that it was not entirely overwhelming.
I wrote this before we lost 2-1 to Iceland.
There were more than 16 million who wanted to remain. They are our neighbours, brothers and sisters who did what they passionately believe was right. In a democracy majorities may decide but everyone is of equal value. We who are part of this narrow majority must do everything we can to reassure the Remainers. We must reach out, we must heal, we must build bridges – because it is clear that some have feelings of dismay, and of loss, and confusion.
We screwed up Britain economically, socially, culturally and geopolitically for a generation. People are going to be mad.
I believe that this climate of apprehension is understandable, given what people were told during the campaign, but based on a profound misunderstanding about what has really taken place. At home and abroad, the negative consequences are being wildly overdone, and the upside is being ignored. The stock market is way above its level of last autumn; the pound remains higher than it was in 2013 and 2014.
If you cherry pick times from the past, certain metrics of success are actually higher. Fewer people are dying from the plague than during the Middle Ages, tamagotchis are really cheap, and William Shatner has stopped doing weird cover versions of pop songs.
The economy is in good hands. Most sensible people can see that Bank of England governor Mark Carney has done a superb job – and now that the referendum is over, he will be able to continue his work without being in the political firing-line. Thanks in large part to the reforms put in place by David Cameron and George Osborne, the fundamentals of the UK economy are outstandingly strong – a dynamic and outward-looking economy with an ever-improving skills base, and with a big lead in some of the key growth sectors of the 21st century.
The fundamentals of the UK economy – desperate people on zero hours contracts slaving in terrible undignified jobs to enrich a very small elite – are outstandingly unlikely to change.
We should be incredibly proud and positive about the UK, and what it can now achieve. And we will achieve those things together, with all four nations united. We had one Scotland referendum in 2014, and I do not detect any real appetite to have another one soon; and it goes without saying that we are much better together in forging a new and better relationship with the EU – based on free trade and partnership, rather than a federal system.
Scotland is renaming itself “Écosse” and rebuilding Hadrian’s Wall, with machine gun turrets pointed our way.
I cannot stress too much that Britain is part of Europe, and always will be. There will still be intense and intensifying European cooperation and partnership in a huge number of fields: the arts, the sciences, the universities, and on improving the environment. EU citizens living in this country will have their rights fully protected, and the same goes for British citizens living in the EU.
Look, I only joined the Leave campaign for a laugh. I didn’t think we were actually going to win. Leaving Europe would be really really stupid. So one of the main pillars of the Leave campaign is now to Remain.
British people will still be able to go and work in the EU; to live; to travel; to study; to buy homes and to settle down. As the German equivalent of the CBI – the BDI – has very sensibly reminded us, there will continue to be free trade, and access to the single market.Britain is and always will be a great European power, offering top-table opinions and giving leadership on everything from foreign policy to defence to counter-terrorism and intelligence-sharing – all the things we need to do together to make our world safer.
Another key pillar of the Leave campaign is the free movement of people between borders. Yes I know our campaign promise was to stop immigration, but that was when we didn’t think we’d win. Now we think immigration is great.
The only change – and it will not come in any great rush – is that the UK will extricate itself from the EU’s extraordinary and opaque system of legislation: the vast and growing corpus of law enacted by a European Court of Justice from which there can be no appeal. This will bring not threats, but golden opportunities for this country – to pass laws and set taxes according to the needs of the UK.
I know you voted to leave Europe, stop immigration and spend an extra £350m a week on the NHS – but we’ve decided to do this instead. Sorry.
Yes, the Government will be able to take back democratic control of immigration policy, with a balanced and humane points-based system to suit the needs of business and industry. Yes, there will be a substantial sum of money which we will no longer send to Brussels, but which could be used on priorities such as the NHS. Yes, we will be able to do free trade deals with the growth economies of the world in a way that is currently forbidden.
Yes, by “controlling immigration” we meant “allowing it to continue”. Yes, we “could” spend money on the NHS, but we won’t. Yes we will be able to do trade deals with the Faroe Islands. Everyone likes puffin meat, don’t they?
There is every cause for optimism; a Britain rebooted, reset, renewed and able to engage with the whole world. This was a seismic campaign whose lessons must be learnt by politicians at home and abroad. We heard the voices of millions of the forgotten people, who have seen no real increase in their incomes, while FTSE-100 chiefs now earn 150 times the average pay of their employees. We must pursue actively the one-nation policies that are among David Cameron’s fine legacy, such as his campaigns on the Living Wage and Life Chances. There is no doubt that many were speaking up for themselves.
Guys I am so, so sorry for breaking your country. I was really drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ll make sure social inequality is reduced by making everyone poor. In fact I’ve listened to the millions of forgotten poor people and I’ll do everything in my power to help them…JOKING! I’m an Old Etonian Bullingdon club Tory! Poor people are SCREWED!
But they were also speaking up for democracy, and the verdict of history will be that the British people got it right.
There will be no history books after the apocalypse.
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