7 reasons why Weird Science is the GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME EVER
1. Dorks make a woman using the internet
Two 15 year old guys, Gary and Wyatt, really want to get with girls but can’t. They put bras on their heads and try to build a woman using computers (this is the “Weird Science” of the title). It’s the 80’s, so it’s a rinky-dink computer like Alan Sugar used to flog. They hook it up to the internet using a telephone modem and hack into some secret government system so they can have “more power”. They clip the computer to a Barbie doll, there’s some crazy 80’s special effects and then….BOOM! Out pops living breathing Kelly LeBrock! That’s the power of the internet people, and that was in 1985, why are we not all doing this now?
2. The movie ignores reason in favour of fun
They’ve made a woman out of a Barbie doll and “the internet”. This would clearly be of interest to science. But the nerds do what anyone would do. They get into a shower with her, then take her to a Jazz club. The woman they created (we’ll get to her in a minute) has magic internet powers, so she can do whatever she wants, like make a car and some fake IDs out of thin air. The boys, and everyone else, never really seem to question what’s happening, and it is never even remotely explained how or why this is going on, everyone, audience included, just kind of goes with it. If this movie were made today, it would be jam packed with boring exposition dialogue that would clog it up and make you wish it cut to the fun stuff. There’s frozen grandparents, a brother turned into a toad monster, a dog on a ceiling, a nuclear rocket ship in the kitchen, and no one seems to question the logic of it all. At a time when Batman films are portentous 3 hour lectures, it’s quite refreshing.
3. Kelly LeBrock is AMAZING
You would think given the premise of ‘horny teenage boys make woman to fulfill their fantasies’ the film would be very chauvinistic, but it’s not (completely). Kelly LeBrock’s character Lisa is always in charge of every situation. From the moment she steps out of the smoke with big hair, cropped t-shirt, tiny blue undies and gives the immortal line “So, what would you little maniacs like to do first?” (and every teenage boy watching at home on VHS puts a cushion on his lap) she is in charge. It’s hard (no pun intended) to describe her character as it’s kind of parental/sisterly, but she quite happily snogs both the boys and gets naked with them, so it’s an odd one.
These boys thought they wanted boobs, but she shows them there is more to life. All Lisa wants to do is teach these boys that love is more important than sex, as well as making them popular in school and getting revenge on their bullies. She uses her sexiness to her advantage. The 80’s and 90’s were full of powerful yet sexy confident bossy Amazonian female characters, with actresses like Jamie Lee Curtis, Liz Hurley, and Michelle Pfeiffer leading the way.
4. The dialogue is more inventive than Thomas Edison
Weird Science is jammed with hilarious dialogue. Lines like Gary exclaiming, “Well, my nuts are half way up my ass, but other than that I’m perfect”. Or how about Lisa explaining to Gary’s parents what the party will be like “You know, there’s going to be sex drug, rock and roll….chips dips, chains, whips. Your basic high school orgy type of thing”? Or maybe Wyatt’s tormenting older brother who comes out with insults like “You’re stewed, buttwad”? This is some next level stuff.
5. Three words. Robert. Downey. Junior.
If you were wondering what Ironman was doing in the 80’s, the answer is lots and lots of cocaine. But when he found time away from his busy drugs schedule he was popping up in movies like this, playing the main bully’s assistant. Only he can pull of being the good-looking bully jock character, whilst having big goofy teeth and looking like he got dressed in the dark with clothes form a charity bin. A few years later he’d find superstardom and critical acclaim with films like Chaplin, then his life would fall apart in a cocktail of crack cocaine, transsexual orgies and jail, before Hollywood redemption as Ironman.
6. It’s from the pen of John Hughes
You may not be so familiar with the name John Hughes, but if you went to the cinema in the 80’s or 90’s you saw his films. He is the master of the ‘coming of age’ comedy/comedy-drama with many of his films answering the questions “What happens when the grown-ups stop being in charge?” Home Alone, Ferris Beuller’s Day Off and Breakfast Club all attempt to answer this question. Weird Science is no exception. Sadly no longer with us after a heart attack the the age of 59 his last movie was Drillbit Taylor (an under rated movie in my opinion) in 2008 in which he teamed up with Judd Apatow, his natural cultural successor.
7. This film is the 1980’s distilled into 94 minutes
In 50 years time a small child may be sat on your lap and say “What were the 80’s like?” If they do and your first reaction isn’t ‘who are you and why are you sitting on me?’ then you can save your fading voice and show them this movie. This film is like a parody of the decade. The massive hair, the outrageous outfits, the electro soundtrack, the neon lettering, the obsession with the dangers of computers, the casual racism, everything that made the decade great (except casual racism – the Jazz Club scene is super awks). There’s even a terminator parody in there, which today might seem cliché, but remember this was 1985, Terminator had just been out a yeart. If this movie doesn’t make you want to crack out the hair spray and buy some Oingo Boingo (that’s a band not a recreational drug) then nothing will.
So there you have it, the greatest movie ever made. Take that Godfather, Star wars Gandhi and Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel
Share this article…