Lexicon of Trash
The Oxford English Dictionary adds neologisms (that means “new words”, if you’re thick) every year. But they don’t add them quickly or sweary enough for us, so we’ve made our own list. Got your own neologism to add to the Trashy Lexicon? Send it in using the form at the bottom of the page.
Calorie Cunter (n)
Someone who will bore the living shit out of you banging on about their diet and how many calories are in every single freaking thing.
‘The size of her arse, you’d never believe she was a calorie cunter.’
Chapstick Lesbian (n)
Practically-minded and fond of keys, this is the opposite of a Lipstick Lesbian.
‘If you need your tyres changing, I know a Chapstick lesbian who’ll do it for you.’
A chubby cunt.
‘That Gemma on TOWIE’s a right chunt, don’t you think?’
We know about dictators, who lead with their big, swinging dicks. A cuntator is a woman who leads with her big… you know what we mean.
‘Your lady boss seems very on it.’
‘She’s good but a bit of a cuntator.’
Card used to chop up drugs.
Dolly Lama (n)
A bubble-brain with an advanced sense of their own ‘spirituality’.
I don’t know who she’s kidding with that mindfulness meditation, she’s clearly a Dolly Lama.
Draught Dodger (n)
Someone who doesn’t get their round in. Also verb: Draught dodging.
A non-committed, dilettante smoker who has the occasional one just to keep their hand in.
A straight man pretending to be gay. Often to pick up women in gay clubs, or at the very least make themselves seem more interesting.
Don’t be taken in by the Aussiebums, that guy’s a definite faux-mo.
Beige coloured smear left on iphone, after use. Primarily affects women, though some men may also suffer.
Fur baby (n)
For all those couples and singles who make their pets their babies.
A gay geezer.
‘I daren’t take my boyfriend home to meet my mum. She’s like Hyacinth Bouquet and he’s a right gayzer.’
Grief Hipster (n)
Someone who berates people for showing concern for victims of European tragedies instead of the less well known, less mainstream tragedies that they pretend to care about.
‘Did you see Byron asking when people were going to change their Facebook profile pic to the Sierra Leone flag? He’s such a grief hipster. And a cunt’
The part of the female anatomy where the gut becomes the cunt, which, on larger women, is a whole area in of itself. Often who bars of chocolate and packets of crisps can get lost in the folds.
‘Fuck me, has that woman got the Kuato from Total Recall growing out of her stomach?’
‘No, it’s just her gunt.’
Someone who tweets at celebrities in the hope they’ll talk to them.
Way too old for the socials, not that that’s going to stop them. Expect shots of china tea cups, boiled sweets and bingo mash-ups.
‘My nan’s such an Instagran, if I have to see another picture of her Wimsy collection I’m gonna shade her ass’
The Irish troubles (n)
The after-effects of drinking too much Guinness.
‘I hear Bill’s not in work today. Is he OK?’
‘Yeah, he was out on the black stuff last night. I think he has a touch of the Irish troubles.’
The comforting fug of tobacco smoke that wreaths the determined puffer.
When one needs to go to the big toilet so bad that the poo’s nose is poking out.
‘You haven’t got a toilet I could use, have you? I ain’t half meerkatting.’
A self created, self-publicising meme.
Someone who can’t afford to buy a flat in London..
The sort of vagina women aspire to.
Have you seen that porno, Debbie Does Dallas? She’s my total mingespiration!
When you only have one games console.
Moscow Fuel (n)
The exotic-looking and sounding Vodka available exclusively at urban corner shops and which hails from the distant, snowy wastes of a chemical-processing plant in Widnes.
Ill-advised piercings adopted by the more mature fashion-follower, often to mark a significant birthday: 40th, 50th, 80th etc.
Hipster facial hair reminiscent of ISIS.
Old Speckled Hen (n)
A mother – or occasionally grandmother – who attends the pre-nuptial, all-girl celebrations of the bride-to-be. Often discovered enjoying a romantic liaison with the bouncer at chucking-out time.
Panama Twat (n)
Someone who uses offshore accounts to avoid paying tax.
Male version of the French Plait (see Jake Hall).
Jewels from the Argos Brand Boutique.
The sudden jolt when you try to let a fart out and shit yourself.
‘Hold these would you Giles, I’ve just had a shart attack’
Spa Struck (adj)
Getting disproportionately excited about beauty treatments. In particular, posting #pampering pics.
Someone who knows all the terms for all the different LGBTQIAPK sexual identities.
Tinder Surprise (n)
When someone turns up actually looking like their Tinder profile picture.
Someone who ain’t never gonna get it, even in the ocean of possibilities that is ‘dating’ apps.
She’s plainly a Tinderella, no matter how many people she’s sent pix of her business end to.
Something that is rude but also true.
‘My god, you’re piling on the pounds. That’s not so much a muffin top as a Victoria Sandwich top…’
You may think of this as ‘visible panty line’ but in common parlance it refers to ‘visible penis line’ as when a celebrity’s gentleman business in all its shape and glory is on clear display for the world to enjoy.
‘That John Hamm’s VPL is going to have someone’s eye out.’
Concern about one’s consumption of online porn.
‘I’m beating myself raw to PornHub five times a day, that isn’t right is it Dave?’
‘No, you’re right to be wanxious, Susan.’
Feeling overwhelmed by surge of Whatsapp messages and replies.
Wifi that appears to be open but then requires lengthy registration process.
Do you have your own Trashy word, phrase or saying that you want to add to the list? Send it to us using the form below:
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