If countries did internet dating – North Korea
Basically North Korea’s Tinder profile. Yolo.
NAME: North Korea
LIVES: South-east Asia. Prepared to travel, especially to the South Korea area. Very, very keen on the South Korea area.
WOULD LIKE TO MEET: Anyone on Guardian Seoulmates.
LIKES: Candlelit dinners. Quiet (candlelit) nights in in front of the portrait of the Dear Leader. Lighting candles, blowing out candles. Anything candle-based in fact.
ABOUT ME: Shy, retiring, introspective.
APPEARANCE: Semi-destitute. But in fact phenomenally wealthy, powerful, successful, energetic, innovative and brightly lit by actual electric lightbulbs.
MY IDEAL PARTNER: Sleek, well-fed (ideally with cheese) but not fat. DEFINITELY NOT FAT. Short-back-and-sides. Looks good in a green tunic.
WHAT MY FRIENDS SAY ABOUT ME: “Crazy guy” “Really crazy guy” “No, seriously – he’s nuts”.
TELL ME A SECRET: That really is a powerful warhead in my pocket.