10 Things That Reveal You Have Landed in a Trashy Holiday Resort
Four out of five girls have what looks like dried vom on their flip-flops.
Drinks are served in ‘glasses’ large enough to soak your feet in. And glow in the dark.
Regular strippers can’t get anywhere near their poles as there are large tattooed women in short skirts breaking them.
If it’s a “family friendly” trashy holiday resort, the kids’ disco at 10pm will be heaving with heavily made-up birds of a certain size enticing tearful toddlers onto the dance floor with a baby’s bottle of squash to dance the Macarena one more time “for mummy”
Beaches are deserted before 4pm.
There is a clinic squeezed between two bars on what is everyone is calling ‘The Strip’ so people can be treated then back in those bars within minutes.
Some people are willing to be filmed on people’s phones doing a ‘group nosh’ for two shots as long as those shots have been set on fire.
Someone in your hotel has died jumping from their balcony into the pool by landing on a table in ‘Barbecue Ben’s Bar ‘n’ Patio’
The walk of shame is busier than Waterloo Bridge at 8.45 on a Monday morning.
There’s a film crew from Channel 5 following you.
On the plane home you overheard someone saying: “Go on, babe. Treat yerself to some o’that Terry Mug-ler perfume…”